Raising teenagers

I'm no expert, but here are some things I've learned so far on this parenting journey.

Attitudes

Don't take bad attitudes, snarky remarks, mean looks or sighs personal, even if it seems very personal.  99.9% of the time, it has nothing to do with you, but has everything to do with something going on in their personal life.  Perhaps a friend hurt their feelings or maybe they are embarrassed by a pimple or they got a bad grade on a test.  A million little things are going on in their life that they don't tell anyone about and what seems little to us, is actually huge to them.  With all these things going on in their head; insecurities, anxieties, worries, you are their safe place.  And sometimes safe places become dumping grounds for things that they can't hold onto any more.  These are the three best things I have learned to do when attitudes arise.

1. I call it out

In a calm, but firm voice, I remind them that we respect one another in our house and I will not tolerate how they are speaking to me.  I have zero tolerance for disrespect and I let them know that if it continues there will be consequence.  During these years, boundaries will be tested and they will find comfort in knowing someone is in charge.  They will not act like they find comfort, but you have to trust that deep down they do.  They need to know that their safe space is a firm foundation.

2. "I'm on your team"

These words are powerful.  A simple reminder that you have their back in whatever challenge they are facing is huge. AND that you are not their challenge.  Often, they feel alone and as if they have to fight their own battles.  A simple reminder that the two of you are a package deal and no matter what, you are not going anywhere, will shatter whatever emotional walls have been built up.

3. Love on them

Love them when they are the most unlovable.  Love them when your insides want to give attitude back.  I have found great breakthroughs happen, when I have literally crawled into bed with one of my kids and simply put my arm around them and just sat with them.  As they soften, I'll rub their back and tell them that I love them.  I'll find something, anything, positive and affirm them.

Food

Food is a love language and also the cure for many ailments, including bad attitudes.  Teens are children trapped in adult bodies and sometimes they just need a snack and some sleep.  They feel so loved when you invite them to go get a coffee with you.  Their faces light up when you bring home pizza, just for a snack.  It's often during special food runs that they feel comfortable opening up about something going on in their life.

"Drama"

They will tell you really big, shocking information in the most casual, drive-by manor.  Be on your guard.  But in a calm way.  They will literally walk through the kitchen and mumble, "By the way..." and it takes your brain a minute to catch up and you'll be like, "Wait! What???" and then when you call them back they will act like you are overreacting...which you are not.  However, this is also a time that you need to convey to them that you can handle whatever it is.  You might be freaking out on the inside, but on the outside, you need to show strength.  Also, it's vital to remember that God's work is messy.  We all sin, but often, teenage sin is embarrassing and we want to hide it from others around us.  Instead, we have to remember our calling as a parent and help our children become aware of their sin and repent of it.