The school year has begun

To be honest, I was not looking forward to starting the school year.  Not because of teaching, but because I didn't feel refreshed from the summer and I know this year is going to be full of logistical challenges and it's my baby girl's last year (sniff, sniff) and I find homeschooling in this house very hard.  Wonder why?

This is why:

You can barely stand in the attic and I am constantly walking like a ninja through Legos to get things I need.  I've moved some subjects downstairs and the books sit in our pantry.  We sit at the table and it's nice, but when I read to the boys, they like to be up here and they build while I read.  I think it's good for their brains, but it's not good for me. I sit next to a very loud air conditioner, so I feel like I'm yelling the whole time.  I am thankful for the space, but also documenting so I'm extra thankful when I don't have to tilt my head to type on my computer at our next house.

I was nervous, but this amazing thing happened.  I got up earlier than normal and had my quiet time.  I have actually struggled with getting up early since moving here and I was surprised how easy it felt all of the sudden.  I prayed over our day and the Lord answered in a mighty way.  He gave me renewed energy, a pep in my step and my heart just overwhelmed with thankfulness.  He reminded me how much I really love homeschooling and showed me all the goodness that comes from our days.

Like this:

My boys are 12 and 14 and they still play Legos.  Their play had been stagnate over the summer, but was reignited when our school days got into swing. I love that our days allow time to do this and they have the freedom to still be kids.

Don't worry, there's still plenty of tween/teen in them.  I only got that picture because they didn't know I was taking it.  And this is what happens when I do try to get their face:

I was also reminded how amazing it is that we've been doing this for so long that we have a natural rhythm of our day and that it's pretty easy for us to get right back into.  I've learned over the years to not make a big deal out of starting school.  We ease into it and it all goes way better.  A week before I actually want to start school, I'll show them their new books.  Then I'll just have them flip through the books and talk a little about what this year's courses will look like.  Then I have them do half of a math lesson.  Then the next day finish the math lesson.  And I'll add in there starting to read a fun book together.  All that makes the first day not so jarring and overwhelming.

I've also learned that it's a good idea to start the day with a game or outside play for Colin.  And make sure he has some food in him.  Seems basic, but it's easy to just start the day with calling out orders, which quickly sours attitudes which inhibits learning.  A quick games gets the brain juices flowing and also set a good tone for the day.  Uno has always been a favorite in our house.

It also made it hard to start because we currently live in New York where everyone still had a month of summer, but we're moving to California where their school year is more normal and will end in May (instead of the end of June).  Plus, I want to do graduation stuff in May :). Plus, we're moving during this year.

I documented the beginning of the year and this is just to keep all things real.

WHY?

Why must she purse her lips and not smile like she normally does?!?!  I will never understand.

Why won't this one at least look remotely happy?  

Happy in real life?  Yes.  Point a camera at him and viola....no expression.

And this one takes the cake.  Um, why are you sitting on the dog???  What about "Let's take first day of school pictures" equalled "I know.  I'll sit on the dog and not smile at the camera."

I always show them the picture and ask them if this is how they want it to be documented and they say yes.  I'm documenting that here for when they complain about their picture collages when they graduate.

 

A recap of the summer

 My adventure of life jumped on the rapids for a bit.  

Literally.

I am SO very thankful for many things, but most of all that I listened to what God put on my heart at the beginning of the year.  I started the conversation of moving early with Ben when I felt the nudge and I also advocated for putting the house on the market early.  I remember telling him that I would much rather have a crazy summer of selling a house and finding housing across the country, than have a crazy school year and be trying to do that on top of teaching and activities and actually moving.  And Praise the Lord I had that foresight!

After our open house, we had a couple more showings.  Each time was promising but would turn out to be nothing.  We went on vacation for a week to the Adirondack mountains and I was sure that we would have showing requests while we were gone, but I was wrong.  It was, however, nice to unplug for a week and not clean a house.

When we got home, the house had been on the market for a month and it seems like the market in our area is changing.  Nothing that we were told would happen, actually happened.  No one is God, so it makes sense and I kicked myself for believing the hype.  All that to say, we lowered the price of the house, again expecting a flurry of activity.  Yet again, we were wrong.

Ben and I flew to California; he was working and I tagged along to house hunt.  That story is for another post, but it was absolutely wonderful being there with him and the Lord provided us with an open door for a house to rent!

To say I'm thankful that we are moving to a place that we both love is an understatement.  We know what it's like to not want to move where you're being forced to move, so this is truly a blessing.

Just a few days after we got home, we had 2 showings on our house.  Both couples were there for a very long time, but ultimately one couple decided that it was too loud (we're by a busy street and it drives me insane also) and one couple made an offer!  It was a very low offer, but it was an offer.

I say this humbly, but my pride took a hit.  I would love to blame all the people who told us "Your house is going to sell for a gazillion dollars the day you list it!" and "Your house is amazing, it's going to fly off the market for top dollar!" but I can't.  The truth is, I wanted the recognition that all the hard work I've poured into this house was good work and worth it.  And I wanted our house to be like all the other houses in the area and sell for a high list price.  I have to remind myself how much of a blessing it is that we have an offer and that we are able to sell our house AND we are making some money off of it so that we may be able to buy a house in California.  That's all amazing!  We had a very painful week of negotiations and people not being prompt to respond or answer.  The couple even asked to come back and look at the house again before they counter offered.  We finally settled and contracts were drawn up. 

The exact same day, we signed the contracts for a rental house in California.

While the contracts were being written for Mint house, we celebrated Alison's birthday and my sister came to visit.

We went into Brooklyn for the day and then she had some friends over for a little party.

Then, just a few days later, we were back in the city to do Times Square, eat pizza, walk through Central Park and went to the MET.

We also had another showing while she was here, but they mysteriously never showed up.

Beth actually ended up being stuck here for 2 extra days when the airline canceled her flight.  And while she was here, our air conditioner broke and leaked water into the wall.  But somehow not in the wall but in a layer of maybe plaster or a million layers of paint from all the years this house has existed.

Contracts were signed while Ben was flying back to California for a mountaineering trip.

The whole process didn't feel real; maybe because we did it in an unconventional way or maybe because we were doing it all while juggling many other things. 

While Ben was soaking up this amazingness, we started math.  And I fixed our air conditioner all by myself.  Well, thanks to YouTube.  And that, my friends, is exactly why I am so thankful that we did all the house insanity during our summer.  My brain has been consumed with scouring Zillow and cleaning the house for a certain time and finding things for us to do while we have to be out of the house and analyzing the housing market and trying to make good BIG decisions.  I knew I could not do that well and teach school well.  Something was going to have to give.  I was going to say that maybe what had to give this summer was refreshment, but honestly, the trips that were made helped my mental health tremendously.  

Mint House is under contract.

We have a house waiting for us in California.

School is in session.

Let the next adventure begin!

1st Open House

When we talked to our original realtor (the one who helped us buy this house), she said that she would price low and then have an open house and 50-100 people would come and you would get 10 offers and they would bid up the house.  So the low price gets people in the door, but then they bid up the price to make it $50,000+ more.  We had a couple come look at the house and they said that they had lost hope buying a house because they were selling $100,000 over asking price and it felt like you never knew the actual price of the house.  We didn't want to do that.  It felt kind of scummy to us.

But those conversations made us prepare for swarms of people to come to our open house.  We bought a giant sign and put out a ton of waters and I baked so.many.cookies.  Do you know how stressful it was when no one came for 45 minutes?  I would love to say that I didn't worry, but I quickly went to "Oh my goodness, no one is going to buy our house!"

11 people came to our open house.  Not 100.  And while there was positive comments, there were zero offers.  Not 10 competing.

So far, nothing "they" said would happen has actually happened.

While Ben was at the house, I took the boys to basketball and Maya for a walk.  It was so hot and humid that day, I wasn't sure she was going to make it.

An awkward showing

Mint house is officially on the market!  It's only been a few days and it already feels like forever.  That's probably because for over a month, people have been telling us that it's going to sell SO fast and maybe even before it hits the market.  They were all wrong.

Fun Fact: we were walking through Central Park when Ben made the call to list the house.

That night, we set up the scheduling app on our phones.  It's the app that all the agents use and is linked to our listing.  The next morning, we got a request for a showing.  Honestly, we were prepared to be inundated with requests from how people talked.  We were not.  ONE.  Ben had to work, but I didn't want to miss an opportunity, so I accepted the request and was so thankful we were done with school because the rest of my day was spent getting the house ready.

The app said it was booked with so-and-so agent, so when the appointment time rolled around and a single woman walked up to the door, I assumed she was either the buyer or the agent.  There's a reason there's a saying about assuming.  I was under the impression that all I had to do was get out of the agent/clients way and the agent would do the job.  I had the boys and the dog all ready to go.  They were waiting by the car and we were going to get snow cones while we waited.  I hate snow cones, but I was so stinkin' hot from cleaning that I needed something cold and ASAP.

Anyway, back to my assumption.  

I thought we were waiting for another person, so I chit-chatted with said woman out on the porch for several minutes.  It was HOT.  I waiting for her to say something like, "My client should be here in a minute."  She asked about the noise from the main road and how I felt about living so close to it.  It was hard to make it sound not so bad, when inside I hate it every single day.

I finally got up the nerve to ask if she was the agent.  She chuckled and said no, it was just her.  Apparently her agent couldn't come so she just came on her own and her side of the app said:

"Owner will show house"

Well, that was awkward. 

 I quickly got my kids and dog out of the hot car and told them to just hang out in the backyard.  I took her in the house and one look at the living room and she said, "Oh, this is too small."

She finished looking around the house, but just as a curtesy.  She also has 3 kids, about my kids age.  What was hard about the showing for me, is that she immediately saw the things that are hard for me about the house, but I had to try and sugar coat them.

"How was it moving in?"  

Terrible.  I don't really want to tell you how many tears were shed trying to figure out this space for 5 people who homeschool.  But let me show you how I made it work!

"I just don't see how we could all hang out in the same living room."

You can't.  My bed is my couch most of our down time because the living room is full of boys watching a show or playing a game.  But we got a couch that reclines so it's a little more cozy.

"There's no space for the kids to play."

Yep.  Right again.  Good thing my boys love Legos and that requires sitting on the floor of the attic with slanted ceilings.

I know that's just how it goes selling a house.  I think it was hard for me to hear what I would have said if I saw the house before we bought it.  I've had to make it work and I'm proud of accomplishing that...but it still stings a little.

 

When no news isn't good news

We ended up only have that one showing last week.  I'm very confused where all the other people went...I'm very confused what God is doing right now, but I know He's doing something.  The couple that looked at our house, emailed with a few questions the following day and then we haven't heard another word from them.  People said our house would be sold right now, and it's not.  They also say that as soon as we officially list it, it will be gone.  I'm preparing myself that they are wrong.

We had a busy enough week without showings, so I actually saw it as a blessing.

Sea Cliff is a very unique place to live, and while it's not my paradise, I can see how it is for other people.  The Porch Pickers played a concert on the beach.  It was an absolutely beautiful evening and kids were running around playing and dancing to the music.  Parents were chatting and eating by the little cafe.  You could see the Greek Festival going on across the water and I hear that Jimmy Fallon was there ;

So thankful for this friend.  She drove all the way out to Sea Cliff to hang out with me during the concert.

We're in the last few days of school, which mean they are torture.  You know, when you can see the end and you just want to be done, but you can't be done and you feel like you're dragging yourself across the finish line?  We're there.  We decided a snow cone would lift our spirits.  It actually did; I just have to think about paying for the experience and not a cup of flavored water. 

To be honest, the last week has been challenging for me, but in an unexpected way.  I have peace about the no news.  I'm actually not that worried or stressed about selling the house.  But I have struggled with the attitudes from my boys.  Maybe it's just the end of year yuckiness or maybe they feel the stress of things starting to change or maybe they are just sinners and need to be reminded of some basic things...like being polite.  I felt a shift this week and suddenly, just me walking into the room equaled them literally collapsing on the floor.  Not just an eye roll, but a literal collapse; a deep sigh and looking away and complete silence.  Looks of disgust and a plea in their eyes of "please don't tell me one more thing".  Except that I am their teacher and their mother and my job is to keep them alive and educate them and shepherd them.  So, unfortunately that means that I have to instruct them and unfortunately for me that means a constant stream of backlash.  I feel like I deal out abundant grace in this house, but the thing they don't tell you about teens is how exhausting it is to be extra cheery to a house full of grouchy people.  I'm weary of it.  AND guess what?  When you finally call them out on it and correct it, it's like poking a bear and it just makes it all worse!  

It will pass.  We will work through it.  But it just kinda sucks right now to be not liked by people in your house for just being.

First Showing

Five people have said they want to see the house this week and two have needed to reschedule. But we finally had our first showing this evening.  We had a full day of school and then picked up the house.  I have found it very interesting that in these weeks of being more on top of keeping the house clean, the boys have been wanting to do more projects.  Today, Eli organized his Lego mini figures and Colin built a Lego airplane.  It's been months since they've played Legos and I love it and it's worth the mess, but I just find it ironic timing.

I made chili for dinner because it was easy, but it was NOT a chili day.  We suffered through and then we went to get ice cream while Ben showed the house.

Ralph's Italian Ice is a very popular New York thing.  However, to us Shear's, it makes zero sense and the menu might as well be written in Chinese.  We tried it last summer and almost cried trying to order...I don't even remember what we actually came away with.  It was our only option tonight, so we were brave and gave it another whirl.  Oh, New York.  Why do you have to be so difficult?  I ordered a sundae.  I figured it was a safe order.  I was wrong.  The girl kept going back and forth between ice cream and fudge.  My simple order turned into a half gallon of ice cream and fudge; a complete monstrosity of a creation!

Colin ordered a "twister" which apparently is ice cream and shaved ice layered in a cup that also equaled a giant mess.  Eli won by ordering a root beer float.

We had to take Maya with us to get her out of the way, but she was more of a mess than Colin's dessert.

Then we went down to the beach park.  It was an absolutely beautiful evening, but Maya kind of ruined the ambiance by her constant whining and pulling on the leash to go run into the ocean.

I ended up talking with Ben on the phone while the boys played.  He said the couple loved the house and everything went really well.  

It's so interesting hearing others stories and gaining perspective.  This couple has a young daughter; he works in the city and she works from home.  They are currently living in a tiny apartment in Queens roughly the size of our main level (which is very small).  Her sister moved to Sea Cliff a year ago and she has dreamed of moving out here and being close to family.  To them, our house seems huge.  They weren't phased by the layout or configuration of rooms, it all seemed like enough.  It took us MONTHS of painful work to figure out how to make this house function.  To be fair, we have 2 more kids and we homeschool, but it does put in perspective that you really can make any space work.  And what I complain about is someone else's blessing.

 

Canceled Plans

Living in the land of flexibility.

We got the house all ready last night, intending that we would just need to pick up a few things this morning and maybe vacuum again, but Ben received a text saying the showing had to be postponed.  At least we're more ready and now just have to stay on top of it.

In theory, we have 2 showings tomorrow and 3 more wanting to schedule something.

Minus the inconvenience, it actually was great for me and we jumped into school.

This is what breaks between subjects looks like:

He is the Beat Saber master :)

Eli sadly got very, very sunburned a week ago while paddleboarding and hasn't worn a shirt since.  Maybe I should be phased by it more, but he's lived a good part of his life shirtless.  

Colin doing his math outside:

These sights just make my heart smile.  I love our days together and I love watching them grow.  I also don't want to miss these moments because I'm so busy working on moving stuff.

Maybe this season is actually really good for me.  I know I need to work on my systems, but I seem to have enough margins in my life that I can get away without tuning them up.  This is going to make me!  I confess that I often think "I'll do that later" and don't completely finish a job.  I do actually finish it later, but I just make later harder for myself.  I know I need to sit in that and figure out why I think that...

actually, as I'm typing this, all of our school books are scattered about the kitchen table.  We're done with school, but I didn't finish the job and clean up.  All that to say, I've spent energy setting up schedules and plans to keep the house running smoothly, but I fail to follow through with the plan for no good reason.  I know that cleaning one room a day a week is a whole lot more manageable than cleaning the entire house  on Saturday...but do I stick to it?  no.  I'm looking forward to this season of tuning up how I think about chores.

My favorite easy, healthy dinner; turmeric honey chicken.  Steam some rice (often I will have cauliflower rice) and throw some green beans in the bottom of an Instant Pot.  Then mix almond flour, turmeric, garlic, salt and pepper in a bowl.  Dredge chicken through that mixture and place on top of beans.  Then drizzle honey all over the chicken.  Set to manual for 20 minutes and viola! 

I just need 30 more meals like this and my life would be complete.

Adventure Anyone?

 Want to go on a little adventure with me?

Get ready to move with me!

This might be one of the craziest weeks of my life, so I thought what better time to blog!

Just 24 hours ago, Ben put up a post on the Sea Cliff Facebook page saying that we will be listing our house to sell in the next couple of weeks.  We have been told by several Sea Cliff people that this is how they prefer to sell houses and simply word of mouth will get the house sold.  We thought we would just give them a heads up to get the word going around.  Pretty much immediately Ben started getting messages about the house.  To our surprise, he spent the evening chatting with so many people that he started to have a hard remember who was who. Ben received almost 40 messages about the house.  Some were realtors trying to get our business, some were "I'm sharing this with my cousin who is trying to get in the area" and some were "I've lived in that house!" 

 It was such a blessing to receive such positive feedback about the house and exciting that people were immediately interested.  Also, PRAISE THE LORD I started working on some decluttering and deep cleaning a few weeks ago, because we have a showing in the morning!  And another one the following day.  And 2 more people who want to schedule a time to come look at it.  But we've had a full week and just had a garage sale Saturday, which meant the house was neglected.  So, after church, we all pitched in to clean it up and get things ready.

I have a couple of projects that I intended to do before we showed the house and now I'm debating whether it's worth it or not.

#1. Bleach the kids bathroom floor.

I did this once before company came and it looked really good, but also took me several hours of scrubbing.

#2. Touch up the paint on the kitchen cabinets

I guess instead of doing those big projects, I cleaned the stainless steal and baked some chocolate chip bars to cover up the broccoli smell from dinner.  I'm wondering if the pretty fridge will mask the fact that you can't open the door all the way.

I'm really looking forward to being able to reach my whole arm in the freezer one day.  It's the simple things in life.

So, a few house showings may not seem like that big of deal, but I haven't mentioned that Alison is traveling home late tomorrow night, we are in the last 2 weeks of school and finishing up testing and Ben is traveling and there's music practice and a concert at the beach and oh, yea, Colin's birthday!

The house is ready; just need to fold some laundry.  Groceries are ordered to be delivered tomorrow.  Now, I just need to do some praying over this week, pick up some diet coke and try to not lose my mind keeping this house clean.

Raising teenagers

I'm no expert, but here are some things I've learned so far on this parenting journey.

Attitudes

Don't take bad attitudes, snarky remarks, mean looks or sighs personal, even if it seems very personal.  99.9% of the time, it has nothing to do with you, but has everything to do with something going on in their personal life.  Perhaps a friend hurt their feelings or maybe they are embarrassed by a pimple or they got a bad grade on a test.  A million little things are going on in their life that they don't tell anyone about and what seems little to us, is actually huge to them.  With all these things going on in their head; insecurities, anxieties, worries, you are their safe place.  And sometimes safe places become dumping grounds for things that they can't hold onto any more.  These are the three best things I have learned to do when attitudes arise.

1. I call it out

In a calm, but firm voice, I remind them that we respect one another in our house and I will not tolerate how they are speaking to me.  I have zero tolerance for disrespect and I let them know that if it continues there will be consequence.  During these years, boundaries will be tested and they will find comfort in knowing someone is in charge.  They will not act like they find comfort, but you have to trust that deep down they do.  They need to know that their safe space is a firm foundation.

2. "I'm on your team"

These words are powerful.  A simple reminder that you have their back in whatever challenge they are facing is huge. AND that you are not their challenge.  Often, they feel alone and as if they have to fight their own battles.  A simple reminder that the two of you are a package deal and no matter what, you are not going anywhere, will shatter whatever emotional walls have been built up.

3. Love on them

Love them when they are the most unlovable.  Love them when your insides want to give attitude back.  I have found great breakthroughs happen, when I have literally crawled into bed with one of my kids and simply put my arm around them and just sat with them.  As they soften, I'll rub their back and tell them that I love them.  I'll find something, anything, positive and affirm them.

Food

Food is a love language and also the cure for many ailments, including bad attitudes.  Teens are children trapped in adult bodies and sometimes they just need a snack and some sleep.  They feel so loved when you invite them to go get a coffee with you.  Their faces light up when you bring home pizza, just for a snack.  It's often during special food runs that they feel comfortable opening up about something going on in their life.

"Drama"

They will tell you really big, shocking information in the most casual, drive-by manor.  Be on your guard.  But in a calm way.  They will literally walk through the kitchen and mumble, "By the way..." and it takes your brain a minute to catch up and you'll be like, "Wait! What???" and then when you call them back they will act like you are overreacting...which you are not.  However, this is also a time that you need to convey to them that you can handle whatever it is.  You might be freaking out on the inside, but on the outside, you need to show strength.  Also, it's vital to remember that God's work is messy.  We all sin, but often, teenage sin is embarrassing and we want to hide it from others around us.  Instead, we have to remember our calling as a parent and help our children become aware of their sin and repent of it.  

Life Right Now

 Party decorations are still up from Eli's birthday.  I wonder if he knows how midwest/millennial his parents are?

A half eaten protein bar by the TV that Alison left before she went to work.

Socks everywhere...why?

Xbox controllers covering the couch

VR headset on the floor

An ipad charging on the heater, waiting to chat with Tolson while playing Minecraft

Kitty that Maya insists on bringing out

Maya's pajamas under the coffee table

A t-shirt and hoodie discarded on the table

Lego sets and scraps of packages and a million little legos that no one knows what to do with

This beautiful sight is my life right now with a tween and two teens...and 8 year old dog, who belongs in the desert.  Sure, it looks like we spend way too much time on electronics to the outside world, but that's another topic for another day.  For now, I just want to soak up this day.  Because there will be day that I miss this sight.

To write again

I've had this pull to write again.  

And that sentence has sat open for weeks.  There is something I love about writing and there is something inside that equally holds me back.  It's the same hold that made me stop writing years ago.  I'm still working to unearth that hold...is it simply fear?  is it pride?  is it insecurity?  or a messy mix of them all?

I started this blog 11 years ago; a whole different life ago.  I started it as a place to write for myself but I floundered knowing who my audience was and my purpose in writing.  There are so many things I wish I could say to that girl.  First one would be: don't stop.  Just write.  Let yourself fail and grow and learn.  Let yourself change over the years and be okay with passing seasons.

I've challenged myself to write again and let it be messy and completely imperfect and written to absolutely nobody.  I've challenged myself to write things that I look back on and think "why did I write that?" or maybe even to write something that offends someone.   I might even just put random pictures on every post.

Life has changed so much that my recent pictures are taken in Grand Central Station.  I'm not even sure what my life is.